Yesterday we had to make perhaps the most difficult decision we as a family ever had to make. We put our 18 year old cat to sleep. I am just hoping we made the right decision. He was a very good cat and very strong. He was a tank. Time and time again Mitzie overcame the odds and survived. This time however, we had to come to grips that is was time. Mitzie was an old cat and started having kidkey failure about 15 months ago. We took her to the Veterinarian and re hydrated her but the Veterinarian said this process would only prolong her for a few months. But he always seemed to last longer.
He wasn't the same though for a long time. He past few years he would develop this disturbing deep and overdecorated moan. It was very predictable. He would start but somehow had trouble continuing this moan and would pause and after a few attempts he would finish. We had asked the Veterinarian about this and they said it was probably nothing. Our cat was spoiled so I thought maybe he was just crying to get food. I really don't know. Maybe he was in pain.
We took him to the Veterinarian on Tuesday and we found out he had throat cancer. The Veterinarian said there was a huge lesion on the top ridge of his mouth that was now a hole red and raw. This could explain why we would eat less. His eating habits changed over the years and he had lost alot of weight. When we were younger I would put peanut butter in the palm of my hands and let him lick it off my hands. I would do this now and he just seemed less interested. The Veterinarian said back in December he found that lesion in his mouth but didn't think it was cancerous.
The past few months we had to put down little rugs all over the house because Mitzi e would always throw up. He just started to lose control of his bowel movements and would urinate and poop not in his liter box. This just started all so quickly. I Knew something was wrong. Perhaps the most telling sign was Tuesday night when he woke me up in the middle of the night because he was bumping into the walls because he couldn't walk straight. He would zigzag his legs and he fell on his belly with all four spread out and the poor thing couldn't even get back up on his own strength. I knew it was time.
We took him to the Veterinarian Wednesday morning to put him asleep. Watching him get injected was probably the most painful thing I ever had to watch. The thing that worries me was as Mitzi e was injected he was crying. I just fear that somehow he was telling us that he wasn't ready to go and didn't want the injection. This is what I am grieving over the most. My sister was crying and the Veterinarian looked into her eyes and said in a fishy way to her that he has cancer and has to go. I couldn't help but get a weird vibe off that. Like he was fed up with us trying to always prolong our cats life and just wanted to put him to sleep. He was very pushy about putting Mitzi e to sleep on Tuesday when he told us he had cancer but we wanted more time with him. I wanted to stop the whole process but I didn't want to look like a fool.
I know Mitzi e wasn't right and he had alto of symptoms but this cat was a tank. I just think maybe he was just sick and was telling us its only temporary and he will bounce back and didn't want the injection. Hes been like that his whole life. The thing that makes me sad is I wasn't the nicest to him over the last part of his life. I became frustrated with him even though I know it wasn't his fault. Mitzi e just couldn't react normally anymore to things. I would open the door and he would just plant himself behind it and I would incidentally strike him often times breaking things. I would often times step on him when he would plant himself around my feet and drop and break things. I would get so upset at him and I felt horrible cause I Knew it wasn't his fault. I loved him but I grew frustrated. I would often times push him to the side with force because he was always in my way. I regret this.
Before we put him asleep I had a chance to hold him and tell him to his face that I am sorry for everything and that I loved him. I never felt so emotional in my life I am even crying as I am writing this. I just hope we did the right thing. I hope we didn't deny him yet another opportunity to bounce back like he always did before.
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