It's sad that my first post here has to be such a sad one. Today I lost a dear member of my family, our second cat Little Miss. My wife and I had gone one a week long vacation in Las Vegas. We have three cats and had made arrangements to have two people stop in during the week to spend time with them and make sure they were ok. As I'm in the line to go through airport security to come home, I get a panicked call from my brother. I knew something was wrong as I could barely make out what he was saying as he was sobbing so badly. As I understood what he was saying I began to cry and turned to my wife. She knew something was really wrong as I rarely display emotions, especially in public. She began to weep as I told her that our Little Miss had passed away.
I could deal with someone breaking into the house, vandalism of a vehicle, almost anything....but not something bad happening to one of our little angels.I can say without a doubt, I just experienced the longest twelve hours I have ever spent waiting to come home and hold my little angel one last time (I cant even stop crying as I write this)
But the fact that she passed on at the age of four and that we were not here for her stabs at my heart like an ice pick. I tried to explain to my wife that this could have happened while we were at work, or away from the house. My brother called me everyday as he was with the cats to let me know they were ok and that he was playing with them and providing attention and love for them in our absence. He found her today in the basement and called me immediately. At this point my wife and I see little point in trying to find out what happened as it is hard enough to deal with the loss as it is without playing the blame game. She had seen the Veterinarian only one month ago and was given a clean bill of health (a tad bit chubby but otherwise a healthy cat)
I had often wondered how this would feel as we love our three cats unconditionally. I thought they would pass on from old age. I'm not the type who dwells in guilt, (heck I almost never feel guilt about any of my actions) But the guilt I felt tonight as I held my little baby girl and sobbed apologies to her for not being there for her hit me like a tidal wave and it just keeps on hurting. I picked her up and held her one last as my wife came down stairs to say goodbye. It was definitely the hardest thing I have ever experienced; to watch my wife say goodbye to her kitten. Little miss was her little kitten and she would always sleep under the covers snuggled up against my wife.
Tomorrow we will make arrangements to have her cremated. I don't know how long it will take to get over this loss, if we ever will. Thank you for providing me an outlet for my grief
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